Before you take the leap

What living abroad can and can't do for you

GTFO Pod Returns

In 2018,

Tara Calihman

and I started a podcast about our decisions to move abroad. She landed in Ireland over a year before I settled in Berlin. Even at this point, when we were each still green as hell in the process of living as immigrants abroad, people wanted to know how we’d done it.

We created this show as an FAQ we could give them, making life easier for everyone.

And then, a pandemic hit. As the world hunkered down, moving down the street felt impossible, let alone going to another country, so we pushed pause on the show.

The world has changed

In the past few years, much has changed. We’ve learned more, and COVID has released enough of its grip on the world that moving no longer feels impossible. And world events have brought people back to this same question:

Would I be happier in another country?

People from the US have been crawling into my inbox at a much higher rate since the recent US election results. People are horrified and, much as I was in 2016, cannot fathom living under that government again, especially with the preview of coming attractions we’ve seen so far.

However, I want to chime in with many other excellent writers living in a different country than the one they were born in, and begin this reboot of the show with a word of caution:

Living abroad does NOT fix everything

One of my very favorite SNL skits of all time, and one I recommend constantly, features Adam Sandler as a scrappy tour company owner. He leads 10-day vacations in Italy for people from around the world, “but mostly Long Island and Jersey.”

His biggest piece of advice about vacations stands even more strongly for living abroad:

“If you’re sad where you are and then you get on a plane to Italy, the you in Italy will be the same sad you from before, just in a new place. Does that make sense?”

Many people dream, as I did, of living abroad, but it’s really important to have self awareness about how a big move like this can affect you. The election in 2016 was a factor in our decision to move to Germany, but it was far from the only thing that caused us to leave the US.

Part of the reason I love this sketch is its uncanny and accurate referencing of psychological concepts. Moving abroad will not change your baseline mood or fundamental aspects of your makeup as a human. It might distract you from them for the first year, but they will always come back.

Would I move again?

Absolutely. Moving to Berlin was 100% the right decision for my husband and me. We have now been together longer in Germany that we were in the US, and at least once a week we confess to each other how happy we are that we made this choice.

Do I still struggle with the same mental health concerns I did before? Yes. Have some of them proven to be far less activated because of societal differences in Berlin? Also, an emphatic yes.

By asking you to pause and reflect before making a drastic choice, I’m simply encouraging you to be sure why you’re moving, so you can make a more informed decision.

I got lucky. Much of my stress was based on living in a city without adequate public transit with a much higher cost of living than I could manage in a job that suited me. Your story might be different.

In order to respect how unique people are, and how different every city and town and country around the world is, we’ll be approaching our return to the show in a spirit of exploration.

Ask good questions

We want you to feel empowered to assess the possibility of moving with questions that serve you available. As creatives who found support and resources they badly needed in a new country, you may come to a different result.

I hope that by listening to this show, you will feel clearer about what you need and more empowered to seek it.

To wrap up this initial post, here are a few things moving abroad can and can’t do for you:

What living in Berlin CAN do for you:

• Help you overcome a fear of filling out forms

• Encourage you to use cash

• Give you access to a decent transit system where there’s no need for a car

• Take you through dozens of Christmas markets come December

• Remove sunlight from about November through late March

• Apply sunlight intensely from May through September

• Give you a change to speak German, but only if you fight for it

What living in Berlin CAN’T do for you

• Make the German language a snap to learn

• Give you a guide on how to sort your recycling

• Give you a sense of meaning and direction in life instantly

• Deliver a package to you without something going wrong

• Let you bag your groceries slowly without other people’s piling up behind

• Allow you to float along without having to learn new rules

• Protect you from scary world events

All kidding aside, at this point I’m no longer a newbie here. I can go to the doctor, the veterinarian, a dinner party, and yell at utility companies on the phone all in German. We are currently pursuing German citizenship, now that they allow dual.

It has not always been easy, but it has been worth it, because the issues I’ve confronted here have felt more manageable with the social structure we have.

In the coming episodes and conversations, Tara and I hope to inform those who are curious so that you can make the best choice for you.

Thanks for being here. If you have questions or topics you’d like us to cover, please share them in the comments below.